1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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