I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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