Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
