halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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