She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
