Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
