I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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