where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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