does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize