Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
