The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
