Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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