just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
smell my finger.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
