I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
