Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
