How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
