i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize