it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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