im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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