dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
