I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
