My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
