I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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