u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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