She's JV to your varsity
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
