I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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