i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
