just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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