And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
