I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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