hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize