When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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