I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Come share oat with me in your robe
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
