even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
