dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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