I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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