just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
