I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
