your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
