from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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