either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
