fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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