i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
