Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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