Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
