If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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