i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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