Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
