How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
