I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
