it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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