the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
