I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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