i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
