I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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