she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
