i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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