What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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