my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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