Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
