I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
