you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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