like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
