literally had 100 drinks last night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
