Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
