So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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