He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize