Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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