There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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