He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
