he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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