Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
