I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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