My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
