Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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