Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
