So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
