Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Terrible idea I love it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize