just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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