We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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