From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
