someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
