Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
