Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize