It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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