Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize