brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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