Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
