I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
