I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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