im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
