I am puke
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
